So I stole this from a friends blog and I loved it. I love that way it made me slow down and re-think my life. So here we go with the fun!
Loving:
1. How amazing air-conditioning has felt during the summer months.
2. The fact that my boss is indeed shunning me for quiting.
3. Paying bills on time
4. One last year at Grand Valley before moving on into the real world
5. The plans that God has for me
6. The idea of marriage
Not Loving:
1. The fact that my boss is indeed shunning me for quitting
2. The lack of desire I have to do anything good for me
3. Gas prices
4. The lack of anything in my refridgerator or cabinets too for that matter
Accomplishing:
1. Peace in my relationship with God.
2. More self-confidence
3. Pushing myself despite my lack of desire to do anything
4. Fast knowledge of life in the Air Force (more to come on that soon)
5. Being joyous
Preparing:
1. My strength and trust in people
2. What "could" come in the near months.
Forgetting:
1. What people say about me
2. That I really shouldn't be watching Harry Potter
3. I am insecure girl who will never be truly loved.
Reading:
1. Gotcha, Don't remember?
2. Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell
3. As You Like It, Shakespeare
4. Psalms 62
5. Proverbs
Believing:
1. That God is who He says He is
2. That God can do what He says He can do
3. That I am who God says I am
4. That I can do all things through Him
I think I'm liking the way that things are headed but honestly and truly, I can never say that definitely. But for now, I'm happy and that's what matters right?
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Wonderer
It seems every now and then, I just need to write. I know that no one is reading this. Hell, half the time I forget that I have my own blog, a very much abused and little used one, but one none-the-less.
Lately, I've been debating about my job. I work a full-time job at Meijer as a Prepared Foods Team leader. It's a pretty good job considering, I'm 21 and still going to school full-time. I make good money so I can always have that extra buck to do fun stuff. I've made a lot of good friends at this location, and the one in Jenison as well.
But lately, the hours are killing me. I'm 21 and I'm working 45+ hours a week on top of school. All the extra money I have to do fun stuff, is crammed into one day excursions. Say, I'd like to plan a trip some place, nope. Can't take off work because I'm a Team leader. I'm also not one to shy away from more responsibility but I can't shake the feeling lately that I'm not sufficient enough to do my own job. When I first took it, I felt on top of the world. I was awesome and now I'm just barely mediocre.
Then I think, "wow, there are so many negatives to this job. I should just quit." Then I remember a good friend of mine once said she took a job and felt compelled to stay because God was trying to show her commitment(props to Melissa for sticking it out) but now I fear that may be my problem.
Any man that I've dated will be able to vouch for this, I am a runner (figuratively and literally). Anytime something gets hard or doesn't seem to be working anymore, I run away. I figure some time away will do me good, let me cool down; which, it always does. The problem is, I never seem to stick with anything long enough to really make a good impact. What if that's all I want to do all my life? In highschool, I worked at one place for a year and another for two years and now, it's 8 or 9 months tops.
I guess I'm just a lost soul for now. I'll keep hanging until I fall, Lord willing.
Lately, I've been debating about my job. I work a full-time job at Meijer as a Prepared Foods Team leader. It's a pretty good job considering, I'm 21 and still going to school full-time. I make good money so I can always have that extra buck to do fun stuff. I've made a lot of good friends at this location, and the one in Jenison as well.
But lately, the hours are killing me. I'm 21 and I'm working 45+ hours a week on top of school. All the extra money I have to do fun stuff, is crammed into one day excursions. Say, I'd like to plan a trip some place, nope. Can't take off work because I'm a Team leader. I'm also not one to shy away from more responsibility but I can't shake the feeling lately that I'm not sufficient enough to do my own job. When I first took it, I felt on top of the world. I was awesome and now I'm just barely mediocre.
Then I think, "wow, there are so many negatives to this job. I should just quit." Then I remember a good friend of mine once said she took a job and felt compelled to stay because God was trying to show her commitment(props to Melissa for sticking it out) but now I fear that may be my problem.
Any man that I've dated will be able to vouch for this, I am a runner (figuratively and literally). Anytime something gets hard or doesn't seem to be working anymore, I run away. I figure some time away will do me good, let me cool down; which, it always does. The problem is, I never seem to stick with anything long enough to really make a good impact. What if that's all I want to do all my life? In highschool, I worked at one place for a year and another for two years and now, it's 8 or 9 months tops.
I guess I'm just a lost soul for now. I'll keep hanging until I fall, Lord willing.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Safe in his arms
When I was little, I constantly heard that you'll miss (insert whatever cute childish thing I did) when you get older. I had no idea how right my parents would be. We grow up and grow old. Suddenly there is responsibility. What? Homework! I thought we would just finger paint?!
Nope, Responsibility. The more we grow up, the more we "can handle." Today has been one of those days where I would give anything to be sitting in my old bedroom dressing up my dolls (or dog, whoever had my interest more) and not worrying about anything. No responsibility. We grow up being groomed for this responsiblity. We learned what things we shouldn't do and should do. No one mentioned any part about growing up and making the decisions of what we should and shouldn't to be easy. It was so easy when Mom said it but now it's a whole new big and scary world.
I know I should go to church every sunday, buuuuut I closed at work last night and I need the sleep. Proverbs 20:13
I know that we should not talk about others. Romans 1:29-32
I know that I need to be unselfish and love all. Proverbs 10:12
I know all these things and my mother would be so proud. Or would she?
I can't even claim to do ANY of these on a full-time basis. I'm not responsible. I'm wild and reckless. One minute, I think I've got everything together and the next minute I'm falling apart and in turns. Here I was thinking I've got it all down, Becky taught me well.
Except, I was following myself and not the one. God is supposed to be my rock, my fortress. My parents, God bless them, opened my eyes to what kind of decisions I should be making. Yet they were showing me something else, something much bigger than "don't pick gum off the bottom of the table."
They were showing me God, how to be true servants of God and I failed thinking it was me. I was wrong. It's all about going back to the basics. There shall be NO Gods before me.
Yeah, lets start there and be safe in his arms, not my own.
Psalms 62:1-2
Nope, Responsibility. The more we grow up, the more we "can handle." Today has been one of those days where I would give anything to be sitting in my old bedroom dressing up my dolls (or dog, whoever had my interest more) and not worrying about anything. No responsibility. We grow up being groomed for this responsiblity. We learned what things we shouldn't do and should do. No one mentioned any part about growing up and making the decisions of what we should and shouldn't to be easy. It was so easy when Mom said it but now it's a whole new big and scary world.
I know I should go to church every sunday, buuuuut I closed at work last night and I need the sleep. Proverbs 20:13
I know that we should not talk about others. Romans 1:29-32
I know that I need to be unselfish and love all. Proverbs 10:12
I know all these things and my mother would be so proud. Or would she?
I can't even claim to do ANY of these on a full-time basis. I'm not responsible. I'm wild and reckless. One minute, I think I've got everything together and the next minute I'm falling apart and in turns. Here I was thinking I've got it all down, Becky taught me well.
Except, I was following myself and not the one. God is supposed to be my rock, my fortress. My parents, God bless them, opened my eyes to what kind of decisions I should be making. Yet they were showing me something else, something much bigger than "don't pick gum off the bottom of the table."
They were showing me God, how to be true servants of God and I failed thinking it was me. I was wrong. It's all about going back to the basics. There shall be NO Gods before me.
Yeah, lets start there and be safe in his arms, not my own.
Psalms 62:1-2
1 Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
2 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Commitment
I always feel more pensive at 3 a.m. than any other time in the day. Maybe it's my serene surroundings or maybe it's the time that my brain is shut off from everything else. So 3 a.m. I sit here thinking about my future, because that's what I like to do.
I'm good at making plans. I think I say "alright, game plan." more than anything. I need to have plans solidified and confirmed several times and heaven forbid those plans get messed up. Heaven and hell will shine down then. Now here is my problem.
I'm a hypocrit.
Yep, I said it. I know everyone is to some degree, but lately, I'm feeling worse and worse about it. I make plans, I strategize in my head to reach and follow through with such plan, but no. I am continually failing in my plans.
I need to make better, smarter, wiser, decisions or learn to commit. I know that God has his own plans for me, but the orderly Katherine, loves, loves, loves to make her own. The next and rightful thing would be to learn to commit. Commit to what though?
I have a really bad problem with commitment. I like the new and exciting with everything. I'd rather galavant off with new friends than hang out with old ones. I suppose there's a reason for it but that's a whole different subject.
For right now, there's only one question. "should I stay or should I go?"
I'm good at making plans. I think I say "alright, game plan." more than anything. I need to have plans solidified and confirmed several times and heaven forbid those plans get messed up. Heaven and hell will shine down then. Now here is my problem.
I'm a hypocrit.
Yep, I said it. I know everyone is to some degree, but lately, I'm feeling worse and worse about it. I make plans, I strategize in my head to reach and follow through with such plan, but no. I am continually failing in my plans.
I need to make better, smarter, wiser, decisions or learn to commit. I know that God has his own plans for me, but the orderly Katherine, loves, loves, loves to make her own. The next and rightful thing would be to learn to commit. Commit to what though?
I have a really bad problem with commitment. I like the new and exciting with everything. I'd rather galavant off with new friends than hang out with old ones. I suppose there's a reason for it but that's a whole different subject.
For right now, there's only one question. "should I stay or should I go?"
Monday, September 13, 2010
It was a long nap, I swear.
First and foremost, I do apologize for the long urmm nap. I was just simply too tired to bring myself to write. Now I have finally received the strength needed to lay in my bed with my laptop and write. Or maybe it's that I finally have thought of something to write.
There has been something that's been on my mind a lot lately, death. Primarily for two reasons. The first being that my wonderful boyfriend and I have been watching this show called "Dead Like Me" which for those who don't know is about an eighteen year old girl who get's hit by a toilet seat from a space station and dies. She then becomes a grim reaper and takes souls of those who die a painful death so they do not need to experience such pain. The second is a song called "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry.
Both have had me in full blown death mode, dreams and all. The primary reason for all this background knowledge is that I used to think I wasn't scared of death. Boy, was I wrong. It started with a dream of having to take my own soul and I couldn't do it. I cried and cried that I hadn't fully lived. I'd never get to experience what I wanted.
Now I'm in a scared state about everything, too careful with monotinous tasks. I just have all these thoughts like "what if I die before I get married?!" "what if I don't graduate and get a real job!" "I don't wanna work at Meijer the rest of my life" and so on and so forth.
The thing is, death, like most things is completely unpredictable. But one thing I can say is that, I have to trust. I trust God. This past summer was an opening experience into my horrible, strained relationship with Him. But now, communication has been restored and although it's not the best, it's there. I no longer just say, "I worship in my own time." I have a relationship with God. That being said, I should hope that I can spend eternity in His kingdom instead of stressing out about Earthly possesions. This is nothing compared to where I will be at the end of this life.
2 Corinthians 4:7-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I can't be scared of death for then all my simple troubles will waste away. Why should I be scared when I have all the glory that lay in front of me? And if I die, I die.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM&ob=av2e
There has been something that's been on my mind a lot lately, death. Primarily for two reasons. The first being that my wonderful boyfriend and I have been watching this show called "Dead Like Me" which for those who don't know is about an eighteen year old girl who get's hit by a toilet seat from a space station and dies. She then becomes a grim reaper and takes souls of those who die a painful death so they do not need to experience such pain. The second is a song called "If I Die Young" by the Band Perry.
Both have had me in full blown death mode, dreams and all. The primary reason for all this background knowledge is that I used to think I wasn't scared of death. Boy, was I wrong. It started with a dream of having to take my own soul and I couldn't do it. I cried and cried that I hadn't fully lived. I'd never get to experience what I wanted.
Now I'm in a scared state about everything, too careful with monotinous tasks. I just have all these thoughts like "what if I die before I get married?!" "what if I don't graduate and get a real job!" "I don't wanna work at Meijer the rest of my life" and so on and so forth.
The thing is, death, like most things is completely unpredictable. But one thing I can say is that, I have to trust. I trust God. This past summer was an opening experience into my horrible, strained relationship with Him. But now, communication has been restored and although it's not the best, it's there. I no longer just say, "I worship in my own time." I have a relationship with God. That being said, I should hope that I can spend eternity in His kingdom instead of stressing out about Earthly possesions. This is nothing compared to where I will be at the end of this life.
2 Corinthians 4:7-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
I can't be scared of death for then all my simple troubles will waste away. Why should I be scared when I have all the glory that lay in front of me? And if I die, I die.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM&ob=av2e
Friday, September 18, 2009
Patience, grasshopper
Week three: completed. Part of me feels a huge sense of accomplishment and yet the other part is anxious. Even though I completed three weeks, there's still three more years of this. Patience has never been a strong point of mine but I'm trying to deal. I have always felt the need for speed (Blame it on my childhood-too many years growing up around fast things). My mind keeps wondering back to the question, "is it time for me to be a grown up yet?"
The thing is, growing up is a process. I know that I'm no where near where I want to be in my life and it's going to take some time to get there. So I'll keep spending my Friday and Saturday nights doing things like thesis essays or studying for exams instead of going out to the big party across the street (well, as big as it can get at Grand Valley) because I know in the long run, it's what needs to be done and what will put me ahead.
Ahead is exactly where I need to be when it comes to finding a job in the future. I want to have every opportunity open to me. I don't want to be cut out because I got a "C" in Spanish instead of an "A" or "B." Since I'm so clueless to what I want to do exactly I need the extra opportunities to maybe open doors that would otherwise be closed. I want to know that if I want to go to Spain or Italy to work, that it won't be a problem.
The thing is, I can't wait. I want it now. I want to graduate in 2010 or sooner if that's possible. I'm the typical American in that aspect. I need results now or I'm not happy. But in this moment, I'm truly happy. Happier than I have been in a very long time. As mentioned in a previous post, there's now a boy in my life (quick summary: boy lives in Texas so we can't technically be in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation). But the thing is, this boy is quickly stealing my heart faster than any other person has or possibly could have. Talking to him brightens my day whenever I'm down and he can make me laugh under almost any circumstance. He is something so different and special to me.
So I'm at a crossroads, do I wait three years for this one particular man or do I date someone else in the meantime? Do I wait and hope that in three years my future job will put me into a city/state/country that we can hopefully be together in? So what's a girl to do? Put on her walking shoes or stop and smell the roses, well, rose in my case. It's a tricky situation but...
Patience is a virtue.
The thing is, growing up is a process. I know that I'm no where near where I want to be in my life and it's going to take some time to get there. So I'll keep spending my Friday and Saturday nights doing things like thesis essays or studying for exams instead of going out to the big party across the street (well, as big as it can get at Grand Valley) because I know in the long run, it's what needs to be done and what will put me ahead.
Ahead is exactly where I need to be when it comes to finding a job in the future. I want to have every opportunity open to me. I don't want to be cut out because I got a "C" in Spanish instead of an "A" or "B." Since I'm so clueless to what I want to do exactly I need the extra opportunities to maybe open doors that would otherwise be closed. I want to know that if I want to go to Spain or Italy to work, that it won't be a problem.
The thing is, I can't wait. I want it now. I want to graduate in 2010 or sooner if that's possible. I'm the typical American in that aspect. I need results now or I'm not happy. But in this moment, I'm truly happy. Happier than I have been in a very long time. As mentioned in a previous post, there's now a boy in my life (quick summary: boy lives in Texas so we can't technically be in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation). But the thing is, this boy is quickly stealing my heart faster than any other person has or possibly could have. Talking to him brightens my day whenever I'm down and he can make me laugh under almost any circumstance. He is something so different and special to me.
So I'm at a crossroads, do I wait three years for this one particular man or do I date someone else in the meantime? Do I wait and hope that in three years my future job will put me into a city/state/country that we can hopefully be together in? So what's a girl to do? Put on her walking shoes or stop and smell the roses, well, rose in my case. It's a tricky situation but...
Patience is a virtue.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
One year ago
With a day overflowing of nothingness I had a lot of time to think. Where was I one year ago? Would I like me today? How much have I changed exactly?
One year ago today would have been my second day of college and chances are, I was freaking out about classes, making new friends, and such. Today, I'm waiting to hear back on a few job applications and only slightly stressed about the year in front of me. I feel like I've really grown up and grown into my own person this year and last year.
I've tested my limits and pushed myself to do things I would have normally not. How can you not know if you don't like something if you've never done it (granted within normal limits--generally no law breaking or heroin of that nature)? But here's the thing, I know myself better and I know what I want and need in my life. Last year at this point, I had no clue really who I was or what exactly I was looking for.
I don't know exactly what I'm going to do once I graduate but I'll find something, something that I'll love. But that's part of this whole crazy process. For now, I'm just taking one step at a time and still truly happy with how things are progressing.
One year ago today would have been my second day of college and chances are, I was freaking out about classes, making new friends, and such. Today, I'm waiting to hear back on a few job applications and only slightly stressed about the year in front of me. I feel like I've really grown up and grown into my own person this year and last year.
I've tested my limits and pushed myself to do things I would have normally not. How can you not know if you don't like something if you've never done it (granted within normal limits--generally no law breaking or heroin of that nature)? But here's the thing, I know myself better and I know what I want and need in my life. Last year at this point, I had no clue really who I was or what exactly I was looking for.
I don't know exactly what I'm going to do once I graduate but I'll find something, something that I'll love. But that's part of this whole crazy process. For now, I'm just taking one step at a time and still truly happy with how things are progressing.
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