I'm not a princess

Lately, I've been doing a lot of "me" thinking lately, wait. That's a lie. Sorry, didn't mean to do that so early. I've been doing a lot of relationship thinking lately. I've been reading a lot of relationship articles (WAY WAY more so than usual). Truth is, I'm stressed about my relationship. I feel like I do the same thing with every boyfriend. I'm a creature of pattern.

What is it one might ask?

The second something isn't going right, I seek others for attention. Whether it's helpless flirting or maybe taking things too far, it always happens. Now don't get me wrong here, I am an egocentric person whether I admit that or not every day. I just do dumb things on a daily basis anyways. This is different than that though. It's a need. The second something isn't going right, its like a switch flips. Call my self-centered but it's true.

The problem here is I don't want to fall into the same pattern anymore. I don't trust anyone because really I shouldn't be trusted. Time and time again, I screw up. I do something and the relationship falls apart. It may not be immediately, maybe not even a year from then. Eventually it crumbles.

I don't want that anymore. I want someone to be able to stay with me for the rest of my life. As cheesy as that sounds, I want trust. I want love and I want commitment. I just want to be the only girl you love all your life.

A year ago, that idea scared me. Marriage? Ha. Kids? Try never. I always had the notion that eventually down the road just maybe prince charming would sweep me off my feet and everything would be a fairy tale in maybe 5 years. GROW UP KATHERINE!

Life isn't always carriage rides and red roses. Sometimes life is baking cookies that don't turn out and traffic jams.

I'm learning, always learning. Just because I'm not the center of attention doesn't mean he doesn't love me any less. In fact, I'm sure he hates when I'm an attention hog but he's there anyways. That's what unconditional love and trust is about. He loves me even when I scream at him and tell him I'm leaving and we're done. He deserves the same and Then some.

I owe him.

So here's my promise to him:

• I will not give you another reason to not trust me
• I will keep everything that is meant to be between us to just us

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